Loss is a interesting thing. It comes in many forms. Losing a loved one to death, losing your significant other to a break up, losing that baseball game, or even losing those car keys that you always seem to misplace. No matter what kind of loss we experience it's tough to say which one is greater.
Maybe it's because of Good Friday, or maybe it's just because of life, but lately I've been thinking a lot about loss. Specifically I've been thinking about the difference loss by death, and loss due to altercations or differences of opinions etc... When I was 15 years old my sister Chris was killed in a car accident. For many of you you probably already know this. What was interesting about her death was how I recovered from it. I found that after reaching the stage of Acceptance (one of the five stages of loss) I found that the pain of losing her had subsided and in place of this pain was fond memories and a new perspective.
You see with Chris, I could control how I mourned to some extent. I could choose the memories I wanted to think about, I could begin to plan my life around her not being there anymore. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't interact with her anymore. That's the thing about death, we can't control it, we can only release the pain and hold the memories of those we love close.
But what happens when the person isn't dead?
As crazy as it may sound, I've often found that losing someone you love to altercations and differences of opinion can in some ways be more difficult. Think about it. Man A loses his wife to death. That's it. She's gone, there is no more interaction, he chooses the memories, releases the pain and eventually moves on. (Obviously it's not that easy but you get the idea) But what about Man B who loses his wife to a divorce. For Man B there is no burial. The memories continue, but they are never the same. In a sense, Man B is interacting with a zombie.
It's a bitter thing to lose anyone or anything. Unfortunately loss is part of life. We all go through it. The question is how will we handle it. For those grieving the loss of a loved one due to altercations or differences of opinion, I want to encourage you to view your loss much like mine.
REMEMBER THAT IT'S OK TO GRIEVE!
Allow yourself to work through those cycles of grief and come away with a heart ready to accept your loss but also ready to receive what God has for you. Don't ever forget that God gives good gifts to his children. Don't take my word for it, see what Matthew 7:11 has to say about it, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Take heart! Know that your Father in heaven cares deeply for you and sees your loss. Know that he will comfort you and strengthen you. Jesus is a God of compassion and grace. And he's still in the business of restoration.
Oh God of the cradle and the coffin,
creator and taker of life,
Grant thy servant eyes to see your righteous sovereignty,
Let not my heart be burdened by the unbiased breath of death and separation,
clothe me in your garments of praise,
so that my bones may sing of your goodness.
-The Albatross
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