The Abandonment Complex

*Soren Kierkegaard wrote about the difference between "Infinite Resignation" and Faith. Being that I am a verbal processor this is my stream of consciousness as I wrestle with these thoughts. I have changed his phrase of "Infinite Resignation" to that of "Abandonment" since this phrase for seems adequate and more easily understood. Please note that while these are my words I have been inspired by the work of Soren Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling.*

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)

It's in the silence of life that our fears begin to speak. The cold grip of anxiety slowly wraps his clammy hands around our throats and whispers worries in our ears. Like song birds of burdens, we hear the dissonant tune of the unknown growing louder and louder. I do not speak here of demons, monsters or ghouls, for one often can get sidetracked by such ghastly company. No, I am speaking of a fiend all to familiar to us. We find ourselves praying alongside him at Church, wiping our hands with his garment at the changing of circumstances, or even sharing a cup of coffee with him at the first signs of delay.

His name is Self-Abandonment, the crooked caretaker of our dreams.

In fact he often hides behind the guise of "Genuine Faith" or "Pious Trust". We hear him in our prayers as we cry aloud, "Father, not my will (dreams, desires or promises) be done, but yours Oh Lord." While his company is familiar, it is parasitic in nature. The real man of Faith cringes at the sight of men tossing away their dreams and desires to the God who "demands our everything." While it is true that God desires our everything, it should not be mistaken that in our total surrender their is total abandonment. This is not so! We do not waste away into an eternal nothingness only to be reprogramed and downloaded with "heavenly things". Our total surrender is our total acceptance. We surrender so that we can truly begin to grow. The tree does not wilt to make room for another, it wilts so that it may blossom anew. 

Yet I digress from the true matter at hand. C.S. Lewis covers this topic of Personality in his book Mere Christianity. As for faith, was it not Kierkegaard who penned the words "Faith is convinced that God is concerned about the least things" (Fear and Trembling). You see we all to often buy into the idea that Faith means letting go of the things we hold most dear. We read the story of Abraham and Isaac and say to ourselves "Ah yes, I must sacrifice that which is most dear to me if I am to truly please God." How truly dreadful a thing it would be to throw away the very dream God himself gave us. It would be like unwrapping a gift only to throw it in the trash and sit openhanded, eyes wide, in expectation of the "real gift". Abraham did not Abandon Isaac, he surrendered him as a sacrifice unto God. Hebrews tells us that Abraham "by faith...embraced the promises..." because he "reasoned that God could even raise the dead". Abraham's desire was that God's promise would be fulfilled through Isaac. And so it was! Abraham had faith that although "wilted" by such a sacrifice, would "blossom" with resurrection.

Now do not misinterpret me here, I am not trying to say that Faith does not come with sacrifice sometimes. (There is still much to say about that, but I will save that for another time so that I may conclude this matter) I am not so foolish to think that I have mastered faith or am the epitome of it. No, sadly I find that my faith is all to small. I am merely saying that faith must not be soiled with this petty idea of abandonment. Faith is not abandoning our wants, desires or needs, it's holding onto the hand of Promise, as we walk towards our God given dreams.

Surrender is giving control to another. It is not erasing, destroying or emptying. It is simply handing our will (dreams, promises, desires) to the only one who can see them fulfilled. Yet there is still another side to this surrender. Surrender means unto death. We hold tight to those promises, as did Abraham, but we must also be willing to die, knowing the fulfillment of those promises may never be seen. The miracle of faith is that we hold onto those promises, not that God fulfills his promises. Hebrews 11 is clear that while we hope for the promises of God to be fulfilled in our lives, fulfillment is not subject to our lifespan. Even still, the dream does not die, the flame is not snuffed, the tree is not uprooted. Faith is the not just the confidence of what we hope for, it is the assurance of what we do not see. 

Oh Faith that carries long past the grave,

Your mighty hand subdues the deep,

Leviathan in all his rage, 

With fire, smoke and gnashing teeth,

Could never conquer, kill or slay,

Nor crush, tear, or break beneath,

For all of hell could not decay,

The promises within your keep

-The Albatross